My name is Emily Washcovick and I’m 31 years old. I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and work for Yelp as a marketing manager and small-business expert.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 28. But for years before I learned I had the condition, I had been a bit of a perfectionist. I was always really busy, and my energy would come in big spurts. I had a constant stream of thoughts, and my personality was just go-go-go. On the flip side, I would also go through periods where I’d feel low and be very depressed. I would do the bare minimum to get by at work and burrow myself away because I felt so overwhelmed. I was burning the candle at both ends until my life as I knew it came to a screeching halt in October 2018.
My boyfriend and I had just gotten a puppy, Oscar. I had also recently started working remotely more often from home. I was running around introducing Oscar to friends and family and working all the time, while only sleeping three hours a night for days at a time. I felt exhausted but couldn’t stop myself from cleaning and organizing our apartment every night when I really should have been sleeping. I later learned that this behavior is indicative of a manic episode. One night, while I was in one of my go-go-go modes, my boyfriend asked me to stop what I was doing and come to bed. I was completely unresponsive and didn’t even register that he was speaking to me. That had never happened before. He was really concerned about my behavior so he called my parents. They came to our apartment and helped me safely get to the emergency room.
Learning I have bipolar
After being admitted to the emergency room, I was sedated and slept for 24 hours straight. The next day I was transported to a nearby inpatient program for mental health at Rogers Memorial Hospital in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin. I was quickly diagnosed with bipolar I, which means I experience periods of severe mood episodes ranging from mania to depression. Because I was brought in during a manic episode and have a family history of bipolar, it was easy for my care team to know what was going on.
One of my aunts was diagnosed with bipolar early in life and has managed her mental health well. She takes her medication, has a good lifestyle, and really works on her mental health. I didn’t know about her diagnosis until I was in high school, because it wasn’t really something my family talked about. But that changed when my other aunt started showing signs and symptoms of bipolar at family events. It was the first time I saw someone in a manic state. She was very high-energy and spoke a mile a minute. So when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I was definitely scared—but having family members who also had the diagnosis helped me accept mine.
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EMILY WASHCOVICK
Getting all the puppy snuggles from Oliver! This was taken about a week before my diagnosis.
After my hospital stay, I checked into inpatient treatment and took a medical leave from work. During my stay, I was placed on different medications by a psychiatrist and went to group therapy to start treatment for my bipolar disorder.
After six days, I transitioned to outpatient treatment and decided to call my boss. I told him what had happened and what my diagnosis was (although I knew I didn’t legally need to disclose anything to him or my employer). I took leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) for 12 weeks before returning back to work. This was crucial to my recovery and a really important step while I was adjusting to my medication and learning about my mental health. In outpatient treatment, I continued to work with a therapist one-on-one to establish lifestyle changes and boundaries to help me re-enter my life in a healthier way.
Living with bipolar
I currently take two medications, one to help me sleep and the other to help me manage the mood elements of my disorder. I never miss my medication, ever. It gives me a sense of control.
Additionally, I’ve made some pretty drastic changes to my work-life balance. In the past, I had zero boundaries and would check work emails at all hours. But now every morning I go on a 20- to 40-minute walk with Oscar before looking at my email. I shut my computer down by 5:30 pm, and I have become more intentional about work travel. Finding a routine that works for me took some trial and error, and thankfully I had a supportive boss who encouraged me to stick to my boundaries.
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Having family members with bipolar disorder has helped me realize that bipolar disorder doesn’t look the same for everyone, and everyone’s journey with it is different. My aunt who’s had multiple bipolar episodes doesn’t have a ‘simple’ case of bipolar like me. She has had to try many different medications and treatments. My other aunt, who has managed her bipolar from a younger age, is someone I go to for support. She doesn’t hesitate to say something to me if she notices I’m off, and I know she’s not judging me, or looking down on me.
EMILY WASHCOVICK
The goal of my blog and Instagram account is to help decrease the stigma about bipolar disorder.
Before my diagnosis, my family didn’t really talk about mental health that much. But now we talk about it all the time. I think having an open dialogue about mental health helps all of us. My bipolar diagnosis was the significant and severe wake-up call I needed to prioritize my mental health. After going through treatments and working with doctors, therapists, and reading and educating myself about my disorder, I have a much better understanding of myself, my brain, and my emotions. And that has allowed me to walk through life smarter and better and more in tune with myself.
A year after my diagnosis, I also decided to start an advocacy blog, Bipolar Brought Balance, to journal and share my experience with others. My goal is to help decrease the stigma about bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder doesn’t define you. It’s just a part of you. I want others reading my story to know that you can still accomplish all the things you want to in life—you just might have to try a little harder some days. But getting a diagnosis and taking steps to manage and maintain your mental health can put you worlds ahead of people who aren’t aware of how important mental health is.